New Moon…and other miracles
Imagine if you will, being woken from a dream and finding that you had given birth to four children in your sleep, to a seemingly wonderful man who you barely knew, because even after waking, you hardly ever saw him. Imagine being left to care for the children, knowing that you possessed the skills, being aware of their schedule and requirements, but being unaware as to where you aquired this knowledge in the first place. Imagine now that you were also in a foreign country, feeling helpless as to who to turn to.
This has not been my reality, however it has been my perception of my life over the past few weeks, such was the magnitude of the depression which hit me out of the blue. I have lived the last three months in a fog of confusion, unable to make fully coherent decisions or really interact with people in the way in which I usually do. Getting out of bed irritated me, staying still even for a moment enraged me and other people’s problems consumed me as a means of escape from my own mind.
TODAY:
So today started as it usually does…it was dark outside, there were shirt sto be ironed that I was too knackered to iron last night. But there was the most exquisite change because as I woke I felt different; calmer, more complete – perhaps the storm was over? I daren’t hope.
But it continued. The children duly dressed themselves and we left on time to walk to school. They were funny, they made me laugh. I was happy of course if slightly unsettled. The children hugged me goodbye at the school and my heart lept. As I walked back, I noted my surroundings and fell in love with them, knowing that it was for the millionth time, but feeling so blessed that I could feel these things again.
A new moon . New beginning. New phase. Thank Fuck.
