Back to Basics

Looney has dumped my phone into a basin full of ice cold water.

I am PISSED [off]. Words cannot express my rage, so silence has reigned for some two hours. Poor phone is drying itself infront of the fire, but I can see that we have a terminal problem here. I am busy thinking of fitting words for the Eulogy of a young and beloved Caucasian technological wonder. My phone!!! For fucks sake, could he not have chopped off my left leg instead?

Two days ago, Baby J picked every last key from my laptop. All have been replace except the G and the BACKSPACE , so I currently type as though my fingers were closely related to an epileptic homeboy with a bad case of the limps.

Himself is merrily being important and executive, in the Blue Mountains, so tonight I shall be home alone with four small children with no phone to clutch tightly in order that if something dire happened, I could call someone and tell them about it.

I will not be able to reassure myself with run-throughs of each terrifying scenario that may occur: in which large intruders overpower me and hold me hostage, but unbeknown to them I have dialled 000 and am code messaging the operator my location and predicament; or the stalker that I suspect I may have comes onto our property, when I hold my phone aloft and declare “The police are on their way” at which point he scarpers instead of doing something horrible to me; or the house catches fire in the middle of the night, I get all of the children out to safety, where I call the Brigade to come to put out said fire and bring me clothes because I sleep in the buff.

This is my comfort. In a world full of danger and uncertainty, I can always call someone for help. I am never entirely alone.

Only now I can’t and I am.

Thanks Looney.

So those of you that know me, beware. I am likely to be prowling the house tonight, awake through fear and caffeine induced hysteria. I will have the laptop fired up and should someone in the correct timezone receive an email typed by tapdancing epileptic fingers, that reads “FIRE”, then please bring clothes.

~ by Femme on August 2, 2007.